or just pms.
Anonymous said: You mentioned you have dear ex word document on your computer that you write in whenever you're mad at your ex. Can you show an example of what you've written in it?
Oh man some of the posts are REALLY long and sporadic. I haven’t written in it since the beginning of July but hold on I’ll give you a little taste of what it’s like. HERE’S TO HOPIN NIGGA DOESNT GO ON MY BLOG NO MO.
You’re damn right you’re nobody to me.
I was too upset to even write anything in this. You decided to tell me “You’re not my barbie anymore” Really? Was that really neccasary? You did that to hurt me. Thanks. I’m done
Why am I just now finding out you were trying to date other girls when you told me you were miserable and hadn’t like anyone? You lied to me. That’s cool. I’m kinda sad but I hate you. How dare you play me like that
Your response was “Take it down or leave it up. I read it. I’m sorry.” Not at all what I was expecting. I’m gonna leave the post up but it’s okay I forgive you.
Those are just some of the short ones because no one wants to read a 5 paragraph essay about how angry I was with him. But yeah you get the picture. :3
Anonymous said: My ex boyfriend broke up with me a week and 1 day ago, anyway he was my first ever boyfriend, my first kiss, the first boy who met my parents, i lost my v to him too, i know im only young (17) but its really destroyed me and im handling it so badly.. He broke up with me the day after our six month anniversary because he said he didnt love me any more yet the day before he took me out to dinner and told me he loved me unconditionally etc? what should i do? i feel like i cant be happy without him?
Baaaaabe :( I’m so sorry you’re having to go through this! Trust me. I know just how crippling break ups can feel. I really wish I could tell you why he would do such a thing like that :/ But my guess is probably as good as yours. Guys have a tendency to pull that kinda crap but it’s never for the same reason. I don’t think you would know why he did what he did unless you had to courage to ask him. Which I really would recommend doing within the next month. It’ll give you closure of some sort. But right now don’t worry about that because you’re too fragile.
I know you feel like you can’t be happy with out him, but babe you can. You just need to give yourself time to readjust. For the last 6 months you’ve been doing things a certain way with him around, so of course you’re going to feel weird not having that anymore. But you also need to realize it’s not necessarily a bad thing. It’s just different. And also babe, I know 6 months can feel like a really long time but in the long run it’s not. At all. I don’t even remember what I was doing 6 months ago. 6 months from NOW, I guarantee you, you’re not even going to give a crap about your ex. Just stay strong for me okay?
I know he will always hold a special place in your heart since he was a lot of your firsts, but that doesn’t mean he’s your last. You’re only 17, and trust me. You’re not done dating. There’s no way. You’re going to meet some pretty special people in your future and some pretty unspecial people. It’s just life. But never ever ever hold yourself to that “He’s the only one for me” perspective because you’ll never be able to move on if you have that kind of mindset.
I don’t know if you’ve read this already, but I made a post about how to get over a break up and I’ll put the link to it right HERE, but if you haven’t already read it then definitely read it because it will give you some pretty good advice.
Some other minor things you can do to get over him.
- Do sit ups every time you begin to miss him. He’s gonna be the last thing on your mind when your abs are on fire, and if he still is, you’re going to get HELLA fit. It’s a win-win.
- Create a “Dear Ex” word document on your computer and whenever you start to feel something really strongly for him (sadness, anger, etc) Just go into that document and write down everything you feel. It’s something just for you to look at, but at least you’re getting your feelings out of your system.
- Instead of focusing on how sad you are over him, focus on how HAPPY you are for other things. Maybe hobbies? Hanging out with your friends. A new crush. Just try and make yourself happy because you deserve it.
Okay babe. Goodluck. And I just want you to know you’re going to be okay. You were okay your entire life until you met him. Just be strong for me <3
kxwxiipxstel said: i just started following you and i know that this isn't asking for advice or anything but i just wanted to say that your blog is literally one of my favourite blogs out there and from what i've read, you give awesome advice. ツ
THANK YOU SO MUCH BB THIS MADE ME SMILE LIKE A DORK <3 :) I love messages like this because it makes everything worthwhile <3
Anonymous said: I found this guys tumblr and he loves in my town, we have never speaken or met before. I find him really attractive & I want 2 get to know him but I am not that attractive also I get bullied so I have no friends and I dont think he will like that. Scared he will ask 2 meet up or that I will bump into him & that is possible since the town is quiet small. Plz help koda??
Who said you’re not attractive????? Ugh! I hate people so much! Everyone is beautiful no matter what and I just hate that people have bullied you and made you think otherwise :( I want you to know you ARE beautiful. Don’t let anyone shake your confidence.
Anyways, as for the guy. Just talk to him! If he wants to meet up and you’re not comfortable with it just tell him that. There’s no need to stress over it.
I really think you need to work on self love though babe. I want you to look at yourself everyday in the mirror and say something positive about yourself. Learn to love what you consider your “flaws” if you learn to love what you hate the most about yourself, no one can use it against you and hurt you with it.
Anonymous said: Hi Koda I just found out this guy who I thought actually liked me was just a player. He said the exact same things to another girl & my world is just crushed. I woke up this morning feeling so so so empty because I revolved my life around this boy & now that its "over" I don't really know how to process this or what to do. My life literally feels like it has no meaning now, it sounds a little dramatic but really, everyday feels so pointless no more excitement or anticipation anymore.
OH MY GOD I FUCKING HATE BOYS SOMETIMES. WHAT A FUCKING ASSHOLE. UGHHHH. AND NO BABE IT DOESN’T SOUND DRAMATIC BECAUSE I’VE LITERALLY DONE THE EXACT SAME THING WITH MY EX AND I FELT THE EXACT SAME WAY AS YOU DO NOW. AND I WANT YOU TO KNOW ITS GOING TO BE OKAY.
It’s kind of crazy how similar your situation is to what I’ve gone through with my ex. But the good thing about that is I can tell you how to handle it. First of all babe, DO NOT MISS HIM. He’s not the boy you thought he was. He lied to you. I was so so so sad over my ex for like 4 months until I found out how he played me and exactly how much he lied to me, and after that it was a done deal for me. So now that you know he lied to you let it be a done deal for you. I think it’s kinda better to be angry at this fucker instead of sad. If you’re angry at him, eventually your anger flame is going to burn out and you won’t care anymore but if you let yourself be sad, who knows how long that can last. SO GET ANGRY. HE FUCKING LIED TO YOU. WHAT AN ASSHOLE. DON’T BE SAD OVER A BOY LIKE THAT.
Also babe, this is a lesson I had to learn. You should NEVER EVER EVER revolve your life around someone else, especially a love interest. Because if you do that, you’re going to feel like there’s nothing left to live for when things fall through and that’s just not a healthy way to think. It’s perfectly okay to love someone, but don’t ever make them your only reason to live. There are so many things to live for. And the most important thing to remember is to fall in love with yourself first. Meaning never let yourself stay in an unhealthy environment where you’re not happy. I really can’t stress that enough. I want you to know its going to be okay and of course it’s okay to feel sad over the loss of this boy, but he wasn’t the one babe, you’re going to find someone better who won’t lie to you and it’ll be an honest connection. Just you wait. You do have something to live for. Yourself. And things will get better I promise. Stay strong for me okay? I love you
Anonymous said: Hey, I'm a 17 year old girl, and I've worked really hard on getting over a guy and I've decided to try this 'independent woman' thing. And I have a friend who wants to det me up with this guy, but I don't really know if I should try being by myself a bit more, or if I should let her do it. I don't know the guy, and I don't even know if he knows that my friend is trying to det us up ... What do you think I should do ? (Love your tumblr btw:*)
Awwww bb. Well see here’s the thing, just because you want to be an independent woman, doesn’t mean you can’t date :) (unless you don’t want to of course, in that case being alone is perfectly okay) really the thing about being independent isn’t about not dating. It’s more about not losing yourself over someone else. Don’t get attached and don’t let yourself get hurt. Don’t depend on anyone else except for yourself. If you remember those things then dating isn’t going to ruin your independence.
As for the set up, here’s the ONLY factor that you should rely on when deciding if you should go or not. Are you comfortable with going on a date or do you not want to be bothered with it for a while longer? Don’t feel bad to say no. Set ups can be super annoying and never let yourself get pressured into one if that’s not what you’re looking for. But if you’re looking to get out there, then why not! Just because you go on a date doesn’t mean you’re gonna marry the guy. Maybe you’ll meet someone really special or make a really good friend out of it. :)
But don’t do anything that makes you uncomfortable babe. That’s the most important thing to remember.
Anonymous said: I talked to my ex for the first time in a little over three months. I'm still pathetically in love with him and he honestly just doesn't care about me. We were each other's first kiss and it was both our first time messing around with someone and there was so good of a connection and I just want him back. I don't understand how he couldn't miss me at least a little and how he could be so rude and shady towards me. Should I tell him I'm still in love with him?
Omg baby :( I’m so sorry. I know how much it can hurt. But babe, if he “doesn’t care” about you like you say, then you need to believe you deserve more! Don’t ever waste time on someone who wouldn’t do the same for you. It’s just going to slowly chip away at your ego and make you feel like you’re not good enough, when in fact you ARE good enough. I understand he may hold a special place in your heart considering he was a lot of your firsts, but he’s not the only boy out there. If you let yourself, you can find someone who will make you way way happier. And you will NEVER get over this boy if you keep telling yourself you can’t. I remember there was this boy I met when I was 16, (I mention him a lot) and I was stuck on him for SUCH a long time because I kept telling myself I would never find someone better than him. Well you know what, when I finally let go of that idea I’ve met such better people. It’s all about your mindset babe.
As for telling him how you feel, I say go for it! Because here’s the thing. You really have nothing to lose. You don’t have him now and worst case scenario you won’t have him after you tell him either. You can only gain from this, even if it’s a small friendship. He might miss you too! But you’ll never know unless you take that leap of faith. If you don’t, you’re always going to wonder what could have been if you had. Here’s the best advice I can give you for it. Mentally prepare yourself for the worst. Just assume that he’s going to reject you so if he does, it won’t hurt. Even if you gain nothing with him from this, you’ll at the very least get closure. So really just expect him to reject you. And don’t talk to him until you’re fully okay with that concept! Also I wouldn’t recommend telling him “hey I’m still in love you” he might not respond well to that. I would more recommend something less aggressive like “hey I miss you. How have you been?” Or something like that! Just short and simple. Don’t write a big long letter because you don’t want to freak him out. Keep it light and maybe you two can become friends and who knows what might happen from there.
Anyways. Good luck babe, and if things don’t work out with your ex then I just want you to know it’s not the end of the world and boys are incredibly replaceable. If one is being a jerk just find another one. Don’t ever let yourself get stuck on one. :)